My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
