Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
her vagine was all disorganized.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
