I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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