can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize