your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
