either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
