I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
