you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
