I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
