Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
