A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
