How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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