im drinking this country out of the recession.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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