ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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