the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
