had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
