I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
