"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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