I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My life is pants optional.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
