I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
