They should really pass out barf bags in church
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
