lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
