Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
