my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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