The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
