Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
