My first STD was from a foam party
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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