I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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