Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
