did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
