I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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