I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
