That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
