i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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