im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
