My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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