What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
