i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
