we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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