@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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