Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
