Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
