honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
