So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
