Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
