from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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