Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
