you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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