Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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