I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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