I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
