I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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