Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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