He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
