I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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