If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize