Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
