I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize