carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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