I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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