someone threw a dead crab at me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My bed smells like the plague
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