its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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