by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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