Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...

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(845): View more from New York

Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen

(845): View more from New York

That would be so convenient

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(209): View more from California

Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.

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(772): View more from Florida

Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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(928): View more from Arizona

He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero

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(320): View more from Minnesota

It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?

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(503): View more from Oregon

I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?

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