then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize