having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
