how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
