u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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