I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
that may or may not have been my penis.
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