Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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