I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
