My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
