sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize