So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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