i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
