I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize