the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All the doctor said was why
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
