I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
