Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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