Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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