I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
