Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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