omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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