Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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