and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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