we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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