You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
