ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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