I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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