I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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