I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
