Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
