I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize