I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
