He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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