the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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