Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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