I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
