and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
