Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
